4 more days....
Mood:  rushed

We are now setting off for Serbia this Sunday.  In a way it is kind of weird to let the reality of this surgery sink in....I've always dreamt of it but never thought that I could actually do it.  But by this time next Wednesday, I'll have that dream completed....wow.

 I was very fortunate to have sold three homes this past week, this has greatly reduced my stress in relation to financing.  I have over two thousand paid off on my surgery loan and am hoping that by the end of 2008, I have it more than half way gone.  It would be great to have the loan completely paid off by next year...we'll see what happens. 

Another thing that helped tremendously was a benefit penis party that we threw at my home.  I am amazed by the support and love that my friends and family have given me and will always carry the memories of the party with me.

 The only bummer from the party is that both Michelle and I got a cold.  I quickly rushed into my doctor's office and got an antibiotic because I'm not going to let anything keep me from my surgery on May 7th.

 

8 more days until we leave
Mood:  not sure

So we have eight more days now until we leave, 12 more days until my surgery.  Currently I'm in a mad dash to get everything done for a benefit party that will be held at my house saturday night...after I get through the party, then I'll focus on packing and making sure all of my bills are set up to be distributed while I'm gone.  You never really realize how much there is to do, until you're facing a reality of being out of contact with everyone and everything for two weeks. 

I'm still very excited for the surgery, but I'm definitely ready for the day to come and go because all of these years of thinking about it have made me very tired ;)

 

12 more days until we get on an airplane
Mood:  chillin'

So we now have 12 more days until my partner and I get on an airplane and fly over to Serbia.  Originally, my surgery was scheduled for May 6th, but due to that day being a day of celebration for them, I was informed this morning that my surgery will be on May 7th...so hopefully they won't party too hard the day before

I'm actually excited by the idea of being able to sight see before being laid up in bed with achy balls.  It will give my partner and I time to get some food for our stay and learn a little bit about the bus system.  I'm scheduled to have the operation done in the Nardoni Front Clinic which is 35 minutes to an hour bus ride away from the apartment that we will be staying in.

Right now I'm feeling nervous for the flights.  Excited to see the city.  Nervous for the surgery.  Excited/Nervous for the results.  And dreading not being able to cycle and run for a few months upon my return.

 

Not a fan of Airline companies, 17 more days
Mood:  don't ask

So I think that airline companies are ran by republicans mainly because they like to take our money and then screw us over.  If it wasn't for me checking on my flights, I would have not known one of the legs was dropped which would have resulted in my partner and I being stranded in Belgrade, Serbia...just a little ways away from home. 

After three hours of being on and off hold and running this way and that I have been issued a new airline/flight plan for our return home but was also left with more fees because of changes being made to my flight plan.  

 I've protested a few, one has been lifted but I'm determined, no matter how many customer service reps I have to go through and cheesy "hold" music that I have to listen to, to receive more compensation because with the amount I'm spending to fly, I deserve better treatment.

23 more days until we leave
Mood:  irritated

So there are 23 days left before we board the airplane and fly to Belgrade.  I'm very excited for the surgery, but super nervous flying there.  One because of all the crap going on with airlines and flight cancellations and second, our flight from Belgrade to Paris (to take us back home is missing from my itinerary now!)  I called the airport but they were of no help...where the hell did it go?  I have tickets for it but I can't find it anywhere?  So if we don't make it back from Belgrade it's because the airline screwed us over ;(  Very, very, very nervous.

 BUT, I'm very excited for the surgery team that I have chosen to help me increase my quality of life.  I stumbled upon Dr. Miro's website the other day, and it's truly great.  If you are thinking of having the metoidioplasty done, please visit his site at http://www.metoidioplasty.com. 

 More to come, soon!

Another very surreal dream, wow, wow, wow, 43 more days
Mood:  spacey

So there are 43 more days left until we fly to Serbia and I had yet another dream where my surgery had been completed.  It is such a bummer waking up every morning right now but I'm hoping that my April is busy enough to keep my mind pre-occupied.  I was struck with a cold two days ago so I'm hoping this will get all sickness out of my system and I'll have a clean bill of health before flying. 

I almost have two thousand dollars put down against my loan....only thirteen thousand left to go before it's paid off....sigh, why can't we have cool health care here that doesn't put us in the poor house?

Crazy, crazy dreams...47 more days left
Mood:  caffeinated

This morning as I sat down at my computer I looked over at my calendar and went, "Wow, next week is the last full week of March."  After all these years of daydreaming and all these months of counting down, I'm only a month and a half away. 

 I keep having these crazy dreams where my partner and I are in Belgrade and I've had my surgery.  I'm always a little bummed when I wake up and find that it was just a dream...sigh. 

I went and bought my euros two weeks ago, that was a sad day due to the value of the US dollar vs. the Euro.  As I was filling out my withdrawal sheet the bank teller said, "Wow, this is bad timing, you should have bought these last year at this time because it would have been the reverse exchange rate."  I just looked at him and shrugged my shoulders because what can I do about it.  If I put my surgery off, the rate would likely only weaken or regain in value ever so slowly, so I'm just going with the flow and hoping that I get a couple homes sold before May 2nd.  It is possible...we'll see if it happens.

Have returned from Colorado Goldrush...67 days left
Mood:  caffeinated

I returned from doing a keynote at the 10th annual Colorado Goldrush Conference on Sunday.  During my time there I met some great people including writers, surgeons, and advocates.  I was very thankful for them to have invited me to the conference and really enjoyed talking to a room full of MtF's.

I also did an interview with a radio show called TransFm, which you can visit at transfm.org.  I haven't listened to the interview yet, so I don't know what I sounded like, but I'm sure it went well.

 I am at 67 days now until my lower surgery.  One of the surgeons at the conference wasn't too keen on me going to Belgrade and also wasn't keen at all with the urethral extension, but as I told him...even if the extension doesn't work, I at least have to try.  I know there are a lot of risks and complications and potential corrective surgeries but I have to try....I don't think anyone can truly understand the importance of this procedure unless they are also a transman.

 The closer I get to the actual surgery date, the more excited I become...I would be even more excited if I could get my debt down even further, but all in good time I guess.

Preparing, preparing...118 days left
Mood:  a-ok

So, the day that we leave for Serbia is getting closer and closer.  I've almost paid a thousand dollars of my loan off...only 18,000 left to go .  I hope to have half of it paid off before May...we'll see if I can get some clients in real estate and close on some houses before May...sigh, if not, then I'll just have a lot of debt and will do a little jib in ten years when everything is hopefully paid off. 

 Besides financially, I've been trying to learn some words in Serbian.  I downloaded this free program from the Internet called Before You Know It and it has all these different flash cards with words and voice...pretty cool program.  So far I can confidently speak ten bevarages in Serbian ;) 

In other news outside of the transition.  I've been working hard on finishing our basement (something we've wanted to do since we bought our house two years ago).  I've had a couple buddies help me out and so far we have two rooms almost completed in regard to drywalling....woo-hoooo.  What a job drywalling is.  But I think it is helping my physical shape along with making our basement warmer, so all good things.

Wow...I'm angry
Mood:  irritated
I am very, very upset right now and I don't know what to do with this tension so I decided to write it out.  I'm part of an online support group that has just shown me that I cannot trust them and cannot ask for support because they broke the number one rule, confidentiality.  I'm not going to name the group because I have boundaries and know how to respect people but wow, wow, wow...not only did they break confidentiality, they outright lied about my feelings (guys who don't even freakin' know me) and the worst of it, is they lied to the very surgeon that I'm going to be completing surgery with, which makes me look like a complete a-hole and then you have to wonder, how are they going to see me when I arrive there?  Wow...I am pissed.